By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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