I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
