On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
