It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
and you fell through a lawn chair
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