so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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