Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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