last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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