Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
