I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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