I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
