u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need to get me chipped asap
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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