Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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