What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
