Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
