Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
