Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize