Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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