she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
