so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
