Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
