My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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