I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
