Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
