We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
