I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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