I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
