I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
