i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
