You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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