i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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