Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
