His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
