when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize