I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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