Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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