We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
