did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
