OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Please, let me fuck your mom
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
