Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize