her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
