i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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