Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize