Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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