Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
