every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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