sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
