people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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