none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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