so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
