in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
