What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
