NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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