I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
