My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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