If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
