So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
