sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
