Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize