During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
