Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize