I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
