The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
