I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
