you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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