found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just gift wrapped bread.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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