So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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