Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
