She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize