I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
