Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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