I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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