did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
