yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
